As I write this, I’m still trying to understand how two years have passed. It seems impossible for me to understand. I’m not sure life went quite as fast as that before. Maybe it did. Maybe I was so pre occupied in happiness and contentment to realise. A slow ferris wheel rather than the accelerated roller coaster, I have taken a forced seat on, lap bar tightly over my legs, restricting my ability to leave. No choice but to embrace the ride of time.
It’s hard to not relive that day two years ago, to think about all that led to it, the conversations, the messages between myself and our loved ones. Messages I sometimes still re read now. Painfully digesting the words of forgotten memories. It seems like a self sabotage sometimes. A way to keep feeling constant pain, the pain reminds me of my loss and without that pain I have a fear of forgetting my husband.
I haven’t a whole bunch of words to say today to be honest. I have sat staring at the letters on the keyboard, trying to form the words to put in this post, but they aren’t flowing. So I will leave it here today. Put on some sun lotion, play with my children and find peace in this day.
Surviving Widowhood 