creativemessyme

2 years in grief

As I write this, I’m still trying to understand how two years have passed. It seems impossible for me to understand. I’m not sure life went quite as fast as that before. Maybe it did. Maybe I was so pre occupied in happiness and contentment to realise. A slow ferris wheel rather than the acceleratedContinue reading “2 years in grief”

Why people are jealous of a widows escapism.

My 7th flight in 365 days. This is something that people feel a need to comment on. “Where are you going this time”, “You are away more than you are home”, “what a lovely life you lead”, “wow how on earth do you pay for that”, “should you take the children out of school thisContinue reading “Why people are jealous of a widows escapism.”

Stuck still

When I started this blog, I wanted to use it to both help myself and help others. Little did I know that I would suppress the majority of my grief, thus making it hard to talk about in this blog, or even compartmentalise my trauma. My coping mechanisms have not been healthy, to say theContinue reading “Stuck still”

The yearn to converse with you

It’s like an ache, not just this realisation that it is impossible, but an actual physical sensation. Starting as a burning flutter in the chest, a butterfly on fire trapped in a cage, knocking against the chest walls willing to escape. The ache travels up the throat, grasping around it. The brains way of remindingContinue reading “The yearn to converse with you”

The trauma of a loved ones cancer diagnosis

Today marks one year since my husband’s diagnosis. 365 days, since life changed in an instant. You can read about what led to my husbands diagnosis here. The reality is that when you are forced to face something scary, your body has this amazing response of protection. Your body goes into a kind of survival.Continue reading “The trauma of a loved ones cancer diagnosis”

Today marks 5 months

It’s been 5 months. I thought I’d be ok by now or at least somewhat more ok, functioning, working. Doing most of the things that I used to do before my life is turned upside down. I feel as lost today as I did 5 months ago. To be honests as soon as Daniel gotContinue reading “Today marks 5 months”

If it wasn’t for you ..

We will all bloom again.

10 reasons why Ricky Gervais’ After life resonates with me as a new Widow.

This blog Contains series spoilers Despite my friends and family telling me ‘it is too soon’, ‘it will be too hard’ to watch all three seasons of After life, It was the most cathartic thing I have done since starting my new journey into widow hood. After life was a series both my Husband andContinue reading “10 reasons why Ricky Gervais’ After life resonates with me as a new Widow.”

100 reasons why I am grateful to my Husband

Today is 100 days since My Husband’s journey in this life ended. To mark the day, I have written a list of the 100 reasons I am beyond Grateful for my husband. I am so lucky, and honoured to have met and married this incredible Man. For our first kiss in France, 2002 For theContinue reading “100 reasons why I am grateful to my Husband”